things were relatively quiet in terms of the outpt world. a lot of time spent getting oriented to working in the urgent care/green zone setting, inpatient setting. nothing remarkable happened, except for a day where there was drama with one of the MAs and she threatened to quit.
the isolation is not helping much. i appreciate my girlfriends so much, letting me express my views and fears and doubts about what is going on. with my dance acquaintances it's pretty apparent that i don't fit in when physical presence is not required. i am making a choice to try to continue to insert myself in this group of people but ultimately they have no idea what i do, nor do they really care.
even though we are given this precious gift of time to prepare, instead of being very motivated and productive i find myself drawing more and more inward. i think i've already established my fear is not so much for myself. i think i am more afraid of causing more harm than good. i also fear for what the rest of my life is going to look like. if it is short, how will i spend this time? instead of plunging into work and work and work - should i be taking a different approach? instead of trying desperately to leave a footprint in others lives, should i just focus on "being" and becoming individually satiated?
I was trying to handwrite a will the other day. it is difficult.
Sunday, April 5, 2020
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