story of my life

They say an end can be a start
Feel like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control

They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that's in the way

You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...

If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know

Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can try, I can try, I can try...

No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after all
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can wait, I can wait, I can wait...


If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know


It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away

Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive

I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...

If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know

new paths

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." -conan o'brien

i never wanted anything so badly in my life -- to be an OMM teaching fellow. this is my passion and i just thought, if only i could say i am one of them -- i can say that i've made something of my life. i will have more opportunities to dedicate myself to OMM.
i wasn't strong enough, or smart enough.
but, amazing things happened. a few fellows actually contacted me and expressed how disappointed they were that i was no longer applying. like they actually wanted me to be a fellow! like they thought i could actually be one of them!
it feels amazing. it is an amazing thing to have happened. i can repeat the whole fucking year if they ask me to, and it will be okay. because i know that people have recognized my passion, people i admire and idolize.
so i'm not taking a conventional path. so my career in academia was never meant to be. so what. i will work hard. i will be kind. i will give the universe what little i have to give. it doesn't matter whether it's "enough" or not; what matters is that it is given.

catching the buffalo bug

this week has been the greatest week of my life. it was our 40 hr cranial course, and Western is the only osteopathic school in the nation to offer a full 40 hr course to medical students. i was in heaven. i never knew learning, anatomy, cranial nerves, autonomic systems, could be so incredibly exciting.

i really signed on to blog though, because i actually sold something i made. well, re-made. the flannel from my mom that i had altered...actually sold. i took pounds and pounds of clothing to buffalo exchange and it was one of the few items that i had managed to sell. i'm happy that my sewing is decent enough to pass as re-saleable clothing!