running

i stepped out of that cave of a dance studio around dusk.  the air was heavy and cool.  the clouds were backlit with brilliant yellows and pinks, and with smokey greys.  i hadn't heard anything out of the ordinary, as i was concentrating on stepping around the deep pools of water in the parking lot to not get my shoes wet.  then i noticed nails on the pavement.  and suddenly, there it was.  short hair, caramel, long pointed nose.  lean, with mouth open and tongue lolling about.  uncollared. unafraid.
it looked me in the eye, then trotted towards another dancer walking to her car, as if it belonged to her.  i was startled, but i figured someone just let it off its leash. i turned and got in my car.  as i was backing out of my space, i saw it dart across my front, then out of my line of sight.  i was irritated. the last thing i wanted to do was to kill a dog on accident after dance class.  i braked and rolled slowly to avoid crushing it, if it was still there.  then, i saw it loping away from my car in my rearview mirror.  relieved.  went down the driveway.
as i started picking up speed down the street, i suddenly saw her again in my rearview, running after my car and going into a full on sprint.  it was not the face of a rabid dog, nor a playful one. her eyes were piercing and dark.  as if to say, i am running too.  take me with you.

swing state

I have been thinking about my grieving process.  What constitutes healthy, mature reactions? How do I prevent unhealthy reactions?
My lack of resilience gives me great anxiety, ironically.
But I think this time will be different.
I am nearly crossing the line over which women are designated "advanced maternal age."  Aside from my inconceivably crushing debt, I have nothing holding me back - house payments, children, involvement in politics.  Though I am sure the future ramifications are far more serious than I imagine them now...how can I stay silent through these times?
During morning report last week, the director felt it was appropriate to comment on the election.  He said something to the effect of, "so, all those minorities who are saying they are scared for their lives, they should quit their bitchin and moanin, because that isn't really a thing." 
Right then, right in that moment I saw my shackles, my shame.  Because as I knew instantaneously I should say something, I saw my future fellowship taken away from me, my name slandered from ever practicing in the area...career ruin.
If I could go back in time, I would say something.  Anything.  Just, something to let the room know that this is not right.  This is not okay.  This is the type of attitude that should be a crime to perpetuate amongst future healthcare providers.  This is a gentleman who is so completely ignorant of his bias that he can't see any other worldview than his own.  We CAN'T let this be normalized for doctors in training.
See something, say something.  See something, say something.
What do I have to lose?
Everything.
Say something.