Sunday, November 13, 2016

swing state

I have been thinking about my grieving process.  What constitutes healthy, mature reactions? How do I prevent unhealthy reactions?
My lack of resilience gives me great anxiety, ironically.
But I think this time will be different.
I am nearly crossing the line over which women are designated "advanced maternal age."  Aside from my inconceivably crushing debt, I have nothing holding me back - house payments, children, involvement in politics.  Though I am sure the future ramifications are far more serious than I imagine them now...how can I stay silent through these times?
During morning report last week, the director felt it was appropriate to comment on the election.  He said something to the effect of, "so, all those minorities who are saying they are scared for their lives, they should quit their bitchin and moanin, because that isn't really a thing." 
Right then, right in that moment I saw my shackles, my shame.  Because as I knew instantaneously I should say something, I saw my future fellowship taken away from me, my name slandered from ever practicing in the area...career ruin.
If I could go back in time, I would say something.  Anything.  Just, something to let the room know that this is not right.  This is not okay.  This is the type of attitude that should be a crime to perpetuate amongst future healthcare providers.  This is a gentleman who is so completely ignorant of his bias that he can't see any other worldview than his own.  We CAN'T let this be normalized for doctors in training.
See something, say something.  See something, say something.
What do I have to lose?
Everything.
Say something.

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