a great reminder

this is a good video to watch from time to time.  especially if you've the memory of a goldfish like i do, and need the constant reminding.

it's in our nature to want to protect ourselves.  but i am learning that there can be so much beauty living with an open heart, even in the face of so much pain, and self-hatred (shame).

in another video, she talks more explicitly about shame; how pervasive it is in our culture, and how destructive it is on an individual and personal level.
"If we want to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy.  Because empathy is the antidote to shame.  If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgement.  If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.  The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too."

it's been a strange journey to figuring this out for myself.  i am still slipping all the time into the window-less fortress i built to keep out pain, and am constantly losing sight of that living philosophy of being whole by being part of the whole rather than quarantined.  i think what strikes me is how much that quote summarizes what my journey through medical school has been like.  finally starting to develop my sense of self-acceptance after years of wanting to disappear, of not believing i was worth anything.  the empathy i feel is reinforced every time i see a patient.  at first i thought this feeling was so meaningful to me because it allowed me to forget myself as the sniveling, homely creature that i thought i was.  but now, i think that it is more that every time i see a patient and see myself in their shoes and take care of them, i am actually caring for myself.