dead like

in three, maybe four days, i finished the only two seasons of the 2003-4 show Dead Like Me, a dramedy about an 18-year-old girl who dies and comes back as a grim reaper who must harvest souls daily while simultaneously trying to lead an inconspicuous, innocuous American life. it was a terribly written show. great creativity and unique ideas, but clumsy storytelling, like a parent trying to give their tween The Talk.
i've noticed this theme in shows i've been watching lately: the theme of soul reapers. shinigami. specifically, in Bleach, Death Note. It is not surprising that this theme be prevalent among Japanese anime; the culture is deeply rooted in spirituality, and the blurring between the living world and the afterlife is a common subject of discourse. this is not so common in the america's puritan roots, which makes Dead Like Me somewhat of a surprise to the average american viewer. and i think that's part of why the show swings and misses so much. in japan, there is a relatively homogenous view of the afterlife, and what happens to souls after they die. here, in our proverbial melting pot, what direction to go? it's like launching a ship into outerspace. there are literally infinite number of courses to take, and the writers, i think, tried to reach for all of them, became overloaded, and ended up in limbo.
aside from pondering the cultural differences between this media's approach to life and death, i guess i wanted to try to learn something from all this television. the one universal thread upon which this conceit is based is this: what is our meaning in life? "chelsea, you aren't seriously trying to find the answer to your problems through tv, are you?" well, sure, why not? it would justify eating that entire bag of banana chips because i was sitting in front of my laptop all day. i found it to be a vehicle for thought experiments; bringing up of certain situations, and trying to apply them to my own life. looking at the characters in these stories and figuring out which qualities of the human condition i liked and disliked. wishing on and off that i could be dead like them.

words from a living legend

Accepting the death of osteopathy opens the way to a new-found inspiration that replaces an old pattern of grief. We have all lived in despair most of our professional lives, watching osteopathy be defiled, degraded, forgotton, and turned more and more into an allopathic clone. My goal in speaking is not to degrade, but to state the facts that we all know are true. I am not speaking out of anger, but out of love for the true spirit of osteopathy. I am also speaking out of the desire to see it living again....

...Osteopathy has died. All that remains is an empty skeleton of a dynamic gift we were once given. The essence of osteopathy is gone, extinguished. Today, we are relating to a ghost, co-dependently and neurotically fixated upon imitating allopathic medicine.

Many believe this is an illusion; they think that imitating allopathic medicine is an evolution for the profession. It is not an evolution. It is cloning. It is completely irresponsible to the suffering individuals in this world to reduce their options for healthcare, for healing.

Osteopathy is an alternative method of practicing medicine. It was founded by an MD who saw the necessity for a safer, more holistic profession. Osteopathy was a gift to humanity. It was there to help. We have allowed ourselves to fail in our responsibilities to our fellow man...Osteopathy is gone. It has died. Many will point to OMM as Osteopathy; however useful, OMM is not osteopathy. Osteopathic practice is for the treatment of all diseases, not just somatic dysfunction of the neuromusculoskeletal system. OMM and the AAO are in fact the only campfires still burning on the vigilant plains of waiting...for a change to free Osteopathy, to allow it to resurrect itself to serve humanity...

The few students who really want Osteopathy and who don't lie on their applications spend their free time trying to find Osteopathy -- but it's gone. [The school administrations] do not understand that they are not giving the general public the gift of Osteopathy; the schools are teaching allopathic medicine. ...we NEED the alternative of Osteopathy.

But the dilemma is: who remembers...the full sense of Osteopathy.

Dr. James Jealous DO

My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.
maya angelou

consumerism fail

my self-imposed shopping ban lasted two months and 14 days.

the goal was to not buy anything new, and instead make or thrift any item that i wanted. i was doing pretty well; i made three skirts (gave away two, but it quenched my initial craving for skirts fo sho) and when i was in the mood for pattern, found the loudest, most satisfying plaid at goodwill for a few dollars. unfortunately, thrifting shoes might as well be a full time job. i was craving a shoe that wasn't so flat that i might as well be walking barefoot. after considering going to the cobbler to add heels to flats that i already own, i broke down in front of my computer yesterday and helped myself to some sale shoes. from urban outfitters, natch, the one retailer i previously refused to patronize because a friend who used to work for the HRC sent me proof once that Urban and Anthropologie both donate to anti-choice campaigns. ugghhhh i am fail.

...but impressed that i refrained from purchasing clothing for 2.5 months. that's a huge deal for me.

story of my life

They say an end can be a start
Feel like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control

They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that's in the way

You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...

If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know

Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can try, I can try, I can try...

No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after all
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can wait, I can wait, I can wait...


If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know


It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away

Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive

I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...

If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know

new paths

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." -conan o'brien

i never wanted anything so badly in my life -- to be an OMM teaching fellow. this is my passion and i just thought, if only i could say i am one of them -- i can say that i've made something of my life. i will have more opportunities to dedicate myself to OMM.
i wasn't strong enough, or smart enough.
but, amazing things happened. a few fellows actually contacted me and expressed how disappointed they were that i was no longer applying. like they actually wanted me to be a fellow! like they thought i could actually be one of them!
it feels amazing. it is an amazing thing to have happened. i can repeat the whole fucking year if they ask me to, and it will be okay. because i know that people have recognized my passion, people i admire and idolize.
so i'm not taking a conventional path. so my career in academia was never meant to be. so what. i will work hard. i will be kind. i will give the universe what little i have to give. it doesn't matter whether it's "enough" or not; what matters is that it is given.

catching the buffalo bug

this week has been the greatest week of my life. it was our 40 hr cranial course, and Western is the only osteopathic school in the nation to offer a full 40 hr course to medical students. i was in heaven. i never knew learning, anatomy, cranial nerves, autonomic systems, could be so incredibly exciting.

i really signed on to blog though, because i actually sold something i made. well, re-made. the flannel from my mom that i had altered...actually sold. i took pounds and pounds of clothing to buffalo exchange and it was one of the few items that i had managed to sell. i'm happy that my sewing is decent enough to pass as re-saleable clothing!