right now i am staying at a classmate's house, crashing on the couch. there were times when i felt that i might be overstepping my welcome in her life by taking up her couch...seeing as how they only have one couch, it's in front of the tv, and one of the housemates likes to watch the tv. but today changed my mind. now i only feel gratitutde for this couch.
people go through the same thing in different ways. or different things in the same way. or different things, in a completely different way. and it's okay. because here's the key to life. it's all okay. all of it. sure, there is a "typical." but to say something is more prevalent, doesn't make it inherently right or wrong. us weirdos are no better or worse. just different.
i just realized that a classmate in sixth grade used to say that to me all the time. well played.
what makes me sad is that these things exist. either people, or programs, or parts of society that tell us we are worthless if we don't conform. that we are failures if we don't meet their standards. i realize i'm bordering on that hippie-dippy-love-everybody-crunchy-granola shit. but that's the only way i can make sense of the world right now, and simultaneously find myself a place in it. i think i'm okay with this.
i am so excited to be less than 48 hours away from never having to come to this goddamn campus ever again. it gives me the heebie jeebies to be here. like smelling a liquor that was part of a bad memory a long time ago. instant gag reflex. but, i guess i should relax about it. if it wasn't for being here, being surrounded by these people, then isolating myself from these people, then going near the edge, so close to breaking...i wouldn't be who i am today. and, while i'm not thrilled with the person i am today, i am content. content and not completely jaded and filled with hate. all things considered, that's pretty fucking good.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
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