three more semesters..forward and onward!

I'm trying to think of what I could possibly say about this past semester, and really the year of 2008 in general, as time draws to a close.
My times in school I have enjoyed for the most part. Like everyone has said time and time again, the material is not difficult, it is the amount of material. But I suppose you really don't understand what it's like in the middle of the deluge, breaking your face against that proverbial firehose, until you are waist-deep in that sh*t.
I think the thing that affected me the most has been location. Western University, while a competitive, challenging, supportive school, is located in...well...crap. Pomona is not all that safe, and in addition to that, Western does not have a traditional campus, with the rolling greens and tall dorm rooms and brick and ivy. Coming from a more urban surrounding, I felt that that would be cakewalk. In all honesty, I felt that location really would not bother me. In fact, I was excited that it seemed so similar to where I lived and worked before. I am a pretty adaptable person, and for the most part I made do, spending lots of time in the small library, spending more time in Starbucks and at home.
Come finals time, I discovered that I had lost the ability to focus at all these locations (although...home, really. what was i thinking) and was desperate. My roommate Linda turned me on to the Honnold-Mudd Library at the Claremont colleges, which were literally down the street from our house. The change in locale made an astounding change in my self-esteem as a student. At this point, I was really struggling, and was becoming depressed. The library was absolutely beautiful, spacious, well lit, and had a really old, historied feel. It was like, you couldn't help but feel proud to be a student again while studying there. It was sort of a case of "too little too late," but it made my last few weeks almost enjoyable.

While you're in medical school, it becomes your whole life. Some people don't understand why I can't drive all the way to LA to hang out, drive all the way to Irvine and Torrance to dance; but it literally consumes you. Every waking minute becomes all about studying. Perhaps save for those few who are either really quick at memorizing, or actually taught the subject material before in a previous career and thus don't have to study as hard for that course. Those who are trying to handle marriages, families, and even jobs while simultaneously doing this -- I hold them in even higher regard than I did previously. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. ...And rightly so. I would never want to be treated by a physician who had it easy during their medical training.

I am quite eager to go to back to school at this point. I've analyzed myself to the point of nausea, I feel like I've finally hit my stride (though too little too late) as a student. Come to think of it, I've had very little experience in academics at this level. I took mostly liberal arts classes at Cal, and in addition, was cripplingly depressed for most of that time. This whole semester has been a learning experience in more ways than one. But I've meditated, and for the first time I feel like I've broken this twisted destructive cycle I fall into, and in addition, I did it all by myself. So...I am a little glad for that.

Still, there's a lot to do, and I am praying to all the energies of the universe that this next year will be even more different, challenging, and joyful than the last, and that throughout all the journeying, the spark is never lost.